i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
