I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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