They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
