look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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