Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
