And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
