I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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