yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My feet surprised me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
