she was so not down for the gang bang
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
