Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize