I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
