It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
