I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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