D3 body, D1 cock
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
