Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
