plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i out mim tonsoeep
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