omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
