but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
