think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
