I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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