my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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