Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
