May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
