Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
