I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
