I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
