I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
