When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
