Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
