is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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