So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
