shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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