fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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