How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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