We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
