laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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