So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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