one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i will never coherently bang her
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
