i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
