so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
