I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
