You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize