i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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