you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
