why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
