I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
