the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
