My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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