Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I could make wine with my vomit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
