WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
