And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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