just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
