you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
