The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
