his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am naked and annoyed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
