My friends, they love my intelligence
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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