so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
