Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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