i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
