When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
