Im at strip club and am horny
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
