its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
