Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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