I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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