question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
