College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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