gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
