This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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