4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i barfeds in our rink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
