I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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