if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
