You really coming over, don't trick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
