i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
