I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
