Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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(206): View more from Washington

How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?

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(530): View more from California

Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me

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(613): View more from Ontario

Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover

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(740): View more from Ohio

You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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(320): View more from Minnesota

So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"

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(727): View more from Florida

My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.

(851): View more from

You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.

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(434): View more from Virginia

So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?

(703): View more from Virginia

Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.

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