I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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