Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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