it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
