I want to make a zoo with you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize