My friends, they love my intelligence
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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