i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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