when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
