Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
