I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
