I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
