What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize