wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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