I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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