I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
