I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
