o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
