I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
