Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
