i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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