at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
