Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
