wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
