i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
