I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
