I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
