At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
