Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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