She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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