Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
