I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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