Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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