drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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